โFor some students, college admission is the golden ticket,โ he said. โItโs like theyโve been in โprisonโ for several years โ noses constantly to the grindstone; serious all the time. But when a university admits them, itโs a get out of jail free card.โ
***
I didnโt see it coming, but neither did the other parents who shared my misery.
Throughout high school, Ryan, our oldest child, had always been a conscientious student. She worked hard in challenging AP courses and honors level classes, and received decent grades for her efforts.
Like many students who are conscious of the competitive college admissions process, Ryan hoped to attract colleges by impressing them with her ability to juggle academics with regular babysitting work and extracurriculars โ like singing in the schoolโs choir before school most mornings, and playing on the soccer and lacrosse teams.
My husband and I werenโt surprised when she was accepted into her first choice college well before Thanksgiving, but we were shocked at the change in behavior her acceptance seemed to trigger. It was as if the news gave her some sort of unspoken permission to slack off.
Seemingly overnight, my studious daughter turned apathetic. No longer motivated to get up early to sing, she quit chorus. She took a noticeable break from homework, too. It was difficult to watch Aโs plummeting to Cโs, but I really lost it when her high school told us she was in danger of not graduating as a consequence of her numerous absences. What was going on?
Understanding Senioritis
Enter Dr. Jack Wetter, Ed.D, Associate Clinical Professor Emeritus at UCLA School of Medicine, and an expert on mental health in school-aged children. He told me my daughterโs reaction, her senioritis, was a way of taking a break from the stress.
He explains the phenomenon this way: โFor some students, college admission is the golden ticket,โ he said. โItโs like theyโve been in โprisonโ for several years โ noses constantly to the grindstone; serious all the time. But when a university admits them, itโs a get out of jail free card.โ
Did this mean she was done being a serious student? Not necessarily. โFor some, itโs a temporary state. Like an exhale,โ he explained. โTheyโre finally tasting the freedom theyโve been dreaming about.โ
Thankfully, Ryanโs senioritis went into remission before college started. It was a tough few months, but she graduated from high school on time and is doing well in her freshman year at Penn State.
What Parents Can Do
For waitlisted seniors afflicted with senioritis, the problem may jeopardize their chances of admission. โThe high school has every right to contact the university to voice concerns,โ Wetter explained, adding that the reverse can happen too. โSome colleges make final decisions after initiating contact with high schools.โ
Either way, parents should be sure their child is aware that his or her behavior could have serious consequences. โIt may be time for a little tough love,โ said the expert, who has two grown children and three grandchildren of his own.
Wetter recommends setting boundaries. โMost parents have some kind of vision for their kids, and it can be difficult to watch them go down a different path,โ he said. If the behaviors are self-destructive, โkeep them from veering too far off course by consistently imposing consequences.โ
Take away privileges that will have an impact. โMost teenagers canโt live without their phones or having access to a car. Losing those things will give them pause next time theyโre thinking about acting in a way that could be harmful.โ
When poor behavior improves, make sure to reward the teen with praise and reinstate the lost privileges.
Delaying College
In extreme cases of senioritis, starting college may be a mistake. โI worry most about the kids whose behavior changes drastically โ they get out of control with drugs and alcohol and can become newly disrespectful, disobedient, and emotionally removed,โ Wetter cautioned. โIf this behavior continues into college, itโs foolish to allow enrollment at this time. College can be a huge waste of time and money and only serve to exacerbate alienation.โ
Wetter recommends a gap year for students like this. โPut off higher education until your child is ready to focus on his future. For some families, a gap year means the student gets a job, lives at home, and contributes toward expenses. It can be sobering for a young adult to watch his friends go off to college while he stays behind.โ
A gap year should not be open ended, however. โIf all goes well and your child matures, revisit starting college the following fall.โ
Taking Breaks
Sadly, many kids end high school feeling emotionally and intellectually drained. โThereโs so much pressure to excel at a very young age โ often starting in first grade! I believe if students were allowed to have some freedom along the way โ not just at the end of high school โ thereโd be a lot less senioritis. Allow a little freshman-, sophomore-, and junior-itis each year. Thatโs what your children will remember.โ
Kids need true breaks โ time that isnโt scheduled, where they have permission to relax and have fun. โBe mindful of your childโs need for downtime,โ Wetter advises. โKeep summer what it was meant to be: a vacation. When I was growing up, summer school was for catching up and remediation โ today itโs all about enrichment, and I think itโs wrong. Thereโs value in having nothing to do โ thatโs when kids figure out who they are and where they want to go in life. Make it acceptable in your family.โ
Finally, families need to spend more time having fun together. โIโm big on family travel, board games, or visiting museums,โ he says. โI donโt see enough family type stuff going on. I see parents doing their own thing and kids doing theirs. Everyone may be at home but in his or her own space โ absorbed by his or her own individual. No interaction at all. Such a missed opportunity for connection.โ
